things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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