So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I have peed in a lot of sinks
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