I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
being pregnant is like rehab
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
