everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
