So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Randomize
