I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
