i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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