shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
When are your genitals available?
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Randomize
