No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
