Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
