You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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