My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
