If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
