I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
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