i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
