I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
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