i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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