also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
