She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
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