We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
