I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I'm going to jail i love you
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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