I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize