Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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