Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Randomize
