dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
