In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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