at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize