We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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