He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
