she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
