So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
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