dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
