Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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