she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
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