so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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