I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
We have started to decorate penises.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
