I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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