I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
