Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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