Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
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