all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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