I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Randomize
