i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
