remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
