How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
