What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
