Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
