Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Randomize
