Me too!
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
