just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
nutella sex= disaster
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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