If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
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