He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
