I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
