i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize