Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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