Please, let me fuck your mom
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize