We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
