this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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