i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
