i will never coherently bang her
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize