Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Randomize
