It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I cockslap morals
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
