what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
