shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
