Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Randomize
