apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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