I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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