Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
