Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
