cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
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