I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
