I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
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