You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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