you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
