You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
