$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
