Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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