there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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